Kristi's Journey

A record of my transition from a boy to a woman. I'm a 20 year old male to female transsexual, and this blog is the permanent record of my journey. It includes, photos, writings, videos and anything I feel so inclined to add.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Everything's Changed...

Wow, it's been forever since i've posted, and I'm sorry to those of you who have been following my life. Unfourtanetly for me, nothing is going the way I ever want it to go, I'm so desperate to start my transition, i'm willing to do anything. There was another guy, who is really a nice guy, just a little lost, and let me down, so i'm back on my own working, saving up for my transition, but i'd be much happier if that special man came along and helped turned me into the woman of both of our dreams. In other news, i've left school and moved back home, it's a tougher situation, I can't start any aspects of my transition at home, because I'll be kicked out, but at least I can dress occasionally (when no one's around), and I have my privacy again. I don't have a job yet, intend to find one after Christmas, i'm doing freelance webwork, so if anyone wants some web-design done, i'd love the business. Well that's all for now, i'm back, sad, but nowhere near quitting this journey.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Life Sucks...

Well these last two weeks (sorry for the lack of updates) have been absolute hell. I guess I'll start off with men. I met this guy online, it's no secret that right now i'm a poor student, and I can't afford my transition whatsoever. Ideally I'd like to find someone who'd like to make me his wife, from boy to a gorgeous t-girl. Many have stepped up to the plate, only to be full of shit down the road. I'm getting pretty used to getting hurt, but this last time was brutal. I'd been talking to this guy for a few days, he even lived close, just an hour away (that's pretty rare considering I live on a island right now), who really seemed genuine, interested and sincere (more so than the fake ones, i'm getting good at telling). We had talked for a couple weeks, and finally had come to the point of a date between the two of us, it was all set up. I stood outside for two hours in the rain, only to walk back to my dorm, no date, no message, no nothing. He's never come online since, doesn't reply to my e-mails. I'm so sick and tired of getting hurt. I wish I could find someone sincere and honest, altough everyday those hopes and dreams seem to distant, so far, and they don't feel like they're getting any closer. For those of you who want a t-girl as your wife, I don't understand, this is an amazing opportunity to have a gorgeous wife with that little extra you love, and i'm so willing and obedient, you'd be in heaven. So that's where i'm at in my life there right now... :(

School, well school's been fun, the reason I have't been online or update lately is because i'm buried in homework! I've spent the last two weeks or so writing papers, and I mean non-stop. It's like I goto class only to come back to the dorm and spend the whole evening writing a thesis, or something like that. In the last two weeks I've written over 80 pages! This is a little overwhelming, but I do want an education, so it's good in the end.

Well I'm off to sit around doing nothing, maybe i'll hop in a chat room or two, status on my transition is well... same place it's always been, nowhere right now. Maybe one day soon it'll finally start, if only those dreams could come true tomorrow! The updates will be back to pretty much daily now, homework is easing up thankfully.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Transition Outline!

Well I finally finished the outline for my transition, i'm sure there will be many changes, revisions, etc. But as it stands, here it is for now.

Pre-Transition Goals:
Starting Now (Age 20)

Hormones: The goal is to hopefully be able to start HRT during School. I'll need to find a online source for them, or a doctor who will prescribe them without a letter froma psychiatrist.

Regimen Outline:
Estradiol: 4mg (Sublingual) daily.
Finasteride: 6mg Propecia (divided, morning and evening) or 5mg Proscar AM.
Spironolactone: 100mg to 200mg divided dose, morning and evening.
Progestin: 5 to 100mg daily for 10 days of the month. (optional)

Regimen Reference Link
Online Pharmacist 1
Online Pharmacist 2
Online Pharmacist Info


Hair Removal: Complete facial and genital electrolysis. Laser hair removal for the rest of my body hair. I'll need to find a electrolysis place in surrounding areas that meets the following requirements...
Probes (Must-have)
Disposable Needles (Must-have)
Transgender Treatment Methods (Understanding the specific methods to permanently remove male beard hair)
Pain Control (Availability and the basic usage of topical pain relievers (over the counter or prescribed))
After-effects Control (Extensive electrolysis will likely produce significant after-effects, including persistent inflammation and irritation, along with the possibility of infection. (Availability and the basic understanding in the usage of topical antibiotics and anti-inflammatory medication, and related techniques are essential to proper treatment).)

Reference


Work-out & Diet: Ideal goal is to reach a 26 or 28 (size 8) waist through dieting and regular cardio. Corset training can be used, however not during School.

Grow Out Hair: Started growing out hair July 2nd, 2005.

Year One Goals:
Realistic Start Time: January 2006 (Age 21) (Leaving School after First semester) (Current Goal)

Achieve an Overly Passable Female Voice: Follow the practices, techniques and programs listed on TSRoadmap.com Additionally, a Vocal Therapist is ideal. Means I need to find a local Vocal Therapist with previous transgendered experience if possible.

Reference

Feminization Surgeries: Which surgeries will be dependant on what results my surgical consultations receive. Ideally I’d like to have FFS (Ousterhout) or individual surgeries (Brow Lift, Rhinoplasty, Lip Lift, Trachea Shave, cheek implants, radiance, Lipo.) with Dr. Yarish. With an ideal date for these being late April or early May for consultations and surgery shortly after.

Dr. Ousterhout
Dr. Yarish


Legal Stuff: Name Change, Drivers License, Birth Certificate, etc.

BC Vital Statistics
Name Change Form Request
Instructions on Changes
GLBT Friendly Lawyer in Vancouver


Breast Augmentation: 36D is the desired breast size, surgery with Dr. Yarish. Preferred date is around November 2006.

Dr. Yarish:

Year Two Goals:
(January 2007 – Age 22)

Follow up Surgeries: Any surgical procedures I feel necessary or any touch-ups required.


There it is, the big plan, hopefully leading to a successful transition! I'm really looking forward to hopefully ordering hormones this week or next. I'll post monthly updates on their results. And if anyone has tips or help with the regimen guide, i'd love to hear them, because I'm definately very new to this, and doing it on my own for the first little while since i'm not goingto a shrink (serious waste of time). Some people might not have heard of Dr. Yarish, however I've found some T-girls he's done some amazing work on, such as the one i've attached to your left. From what I hear, and have seen, he's amazing at creating very natural feminine results in his transgendered patients. Hopefully i'll look just as good. He's also located in Texas, so i'm really looking forward to that trip.

Just to give you an idea of the work the girl had done, i've also attached her breakdown of the procedures (and costs). I'm considering the same procedures, if not more, so it should give you a good idea of the work i'm hoping to get done!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving?

Well I'm a day or so late, thanksgiving was technically yesterday, but I was busy! But I guess the real question is, am I even thankful for anything this year? I'm going to a school in a way I despise, I'm constantly depressed and can't seem to break out of it. Maybe with the new hope of actually getting my transition back on track now, I'll be thankful for that and the person that might be making it all happen, time will tell. Last night we had a huge thanksgiving feast here at school, we didn't get it off because a new class started yesterday, not that I really wanted to go home anyway. So that was nice, I spent most of the evening researching like crazy. I spent a solid three hours working on my final draft of my Transition outline, most of it on hormones, I went through all the resources I could find (trasngendercare.com being the most useful) compiling an idea of the treatment I want to start in the next couple of weeks hopefully. The trick now is finding a doctor in the surrounding area who will prescribe me what I need. Such a headache to get this started! I finished the pre-transition goals last night, and they are as follows...

Pre-Transition Goals:

1. Hormones: The Goal is to hopefully be able to start HRT during school (so ideally in the next couple of weeks). I need to find a Doctor (local) who will prescribe me them without a letter, because I'm not interested (nor can I afford) to waste three months with a shrink.

2. Hair-Removal: Facial, Body & Genital. Facial & Genital will be through electrolysis (pain!) and the body hair will be laser removal. Not cheap, but a clearly important part, hope to start this during school, maybe January 06 or before.

3. Work-out & Diet: Ideal goal is to reach a 26 or 28 (Size 8) waist through dieting and regular cardio. Corset training is also a possibility to achieve the desired result. I'm already doing this one, and it's coming along.

So that's an overview of what's planned for the next little while, my school is over in April in which time I'll start some Vocal Therapy and then fly down to San Francisco (hopefully) to visit Dr. Ousterhout for my first FFS surgery. I'll hopefully have the whole document finished soon, which is considerably more detailed. I'll post it here as soon as it is ready.

I was browsing through eros-guide last night and stumbled upon a gorgeous girl, pictured to the side. She's the same height as me, and roughly the same frame (her's might be a bit smaller though). Another idea of what i'd like to acheive, and after spending hours researching the average effects of hormones, i'm confident I can achieve something similar, and hopefully better. The downside of hormones, the best results take about 3 years to achieve, which isn't that long, but I just wish they worked faster. I'm considering castration as well, which would certainly stop (for the most part) the testerone, but a good blocker can do the same, so that's still up in the air. Well it's almost class time, time for me to run! * Kisses *

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Homework!


Well I was going to say it was a nice sunny day, but it really mostly rained all day. I spent the better part, well no, all of today doing homework. I wrote 3 papers, all of them over 4 pages long. Someone please shoot me now! However I did have a few nice distratctions throughout the day, I had some great conversations with some people today, and might even go on a little date come saturday, school schedule permitting of course. Which for me is incredibly exciting, I mean for the first time ever I my transition might (and i'm still very cautious, don't want to get hurt) actually go somewhere. I seemed to have discovered wishlists these last couple of days, and wow, I wish I knew about them before, It's like window shopping! I took a lot of homework "breaks" to go wishlist shopping, mostly on VictoriasSecret.com and Fredricks.com, the picture i've attached is of the turtleneck i'm dying to get! It's just so cute. And pink, did I mention I love pink, I think the majority of my wishlists are filled to the top with pink things, pink v-strings, pink thongs, pink sweaters, pink jackets, pink everything! Of course I did include the rest of the colors too, but wow pink! When I did finally finish my homework, so about 10:30 PM, I started on a new document, this one a little more important to me. I decided to create a three year transition overview. I started with the basics and then included all of the drugs, doctors and procedures I wanted, and created a timeline. It's still a work in progress, but I'll post it up here once I finish it up and finalize a few details. Well I think i'm going to take a shower and then sleep! *Kisses*

Friday, October 07, 2005

Life as a Student

Wow, i've had a busy last couple of days to say the least. I'm beginning to hate school more and more, only becuase it's taking up all my time, time that I'd normally spend doing nothing. So school is actually a good thing. In a manner of speaking, being here only makes me more depressed, simply because I can't even remotely be the woman i'm supposed to be. I'm living in an all male dorm with 3 other roomates, a little difficult to do anyting. It's difficult to even find time to update my blog, or my group, or even read my e-mail. However this weekend, since it's thanksgiving weekend (in Canada), most of the students went home, leaving me with a decent bit of privacy for the weekend. I'm not leaving since the dorm is better than going home. So I get to hopefully spend thanksgiving alone here in the dorm, most likely doing some research into some plastic surgerons i've been wanting to go see. And on top of that, i've got piles of homework that's due on tuesday, no fun.

I spent a lot of my evening yesterday cleaning up my computer, mostly the photos of t-girls on my computer, and I came across a folder I started a long time ago, titled "Aspirations", basically a folder full of girls I aspire to look like. I went through a lot of the photos, and thought I'd share one of my biggest aspirations, Barbie from the UK. I would absolutely do anything to look similar or identical for that matter to her. I think it's a pretty realistic goal too, i'm about the same size (acutally a bit smaller), height wise I think we're pretty close, and i'd definately be happy with breasts like hers. I guess time will tell, but hopefully I'll achieve something similiar, or better yet, something better. Well I should probably get back to my homework.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

My life as of now...

Well I figured since I haven't posted anything about where I am in life, I should do so. Right now i'm 20 years old, 21 in November. I'm attending college here on Vancouver Island (in the Crofton/Duncan area). I'm living on campus in the dorms, completely as a boy :( I hate it, everyday I wake up wishing I could be waking up as a girl, only to realize that dream is still a ways away. Right now i'm in general studies, hoping to do something along the lines of interactive design, or maybe interior design. However my immediate goal is to start and finish my transition by any means possible. At times I have to remember I'm actually in School, because I spend more time researching doctors and procedures, than doing homework, oops! :) But in the end it'll all be worth it. As it stands right now, regarding my plans for transition, i'm hoping to start hormones as soon as I can, during school, and then get some plastic surgery consultations right when I finish, and under the knife shortly after that. I'm hoping for a bunch of facial work, trachea shave (obviously), and maybe a few other things (a boob job eventually, but hormones need to do their work first). I'm also on a diet, and strict workout schedule, and I hate them both, but I already am seeing the huge benefits, and well, a killer body is a definate must for any t-girl :) And lastly, I just posted up some new single & looking "ads" I guess you could call them, mostly over Yahoo! hopefully i'll find someone who isn't full of lies and just out to hurt people, so far it hasn't been too bad, altough it could be better. Well i'm off to do some homework, seems like the responsible thing to do.

Monday, October 03, 2005

A Permanent Record...

Finally! I've finally done something useful towards my transition today. I created this Blog so that I can accurately journal every aspect of my transition. So that will include photos, writings, videos, etc. Whatever I can think of really. On top of that, it'll be a great place to learn more about me too, for those of you who feel inclined to do so! So sit back, relax and enjoy the show!